Tuesday, April 23, 2013

So, Good News Is I Didn't Pee Myself...

Seriously, this is exciting news. I have had 3 kids. I have had 3 gigantic kids. Two of those giants were vaginal deliveries. #3 decided to be spontaneous and insist on a C-section. Yeah, that was fun. So, the exciting result of 3 kids that NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT?! You pee yourself. It's true. I leaked a little after I had Diva. After twins? I pee myself. What causes it? Laughing, coughing (bronchitis is a death sentence), sneezing, jumping, running, hop scotch, jump rope and any other jarring activity. It's embarrassing. And, before anyone says "Oh, just do kegel's. It will stop that." I've been doing kegel's since 2007. It's not helping. I still pee. 
So, what happened that I didn't pee myself? I would LOVE to tell you. I went to Body Pump before dawn this morning. Half way during class the instructor had us do a move that was terrifying and caused me to panic a little. Well, a lot. A whole lot. She expected the class to jump on and off of our step boards we had been using. Like some sort of jumping jack on crack. OH-EM-GEE....this is going to be bad. I'm NEVER going to be able to show my face at the gym again. I didn't want to seem wussy though and not do, or at least look like I am doing what the rest of the class is. So, I closed my eyes and jumped. Not even a dribble. Wha?! Let me jump again just to make sure. Yup, still nothing. Whoo Hoo!! I was a jumping fool in class this morning. I did all 5 million reps and didn't pee myself once. WINNING!! I didn't even feel like I was going to. I felt a little triumphant this morning. And, I can still show my face at the gym. 
I wanted to find a clever picture to put on this post. However, when you google cartoon character peeing, woman needing to pee, pee, and cartoon pee pictures you get a bunch of porn. I probably have a virus on my computer now. I didn't realize that pee was such a porny thing. But it is. 

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

You Win Some, You Lose Some...

I have had a streak lately of making dinners that my kids L-O-V-E. I plan on leftovers and they eat it all for dinner. I knew my good luck was going to run out soon. I'm not used to the happy plate club. Well, my luck ran out tonight. I made a Curry Chicken Salad that I found at 100 Days of Real Food. My kids LOVE chicken salad. Olivia requests it on a regular basis. And meatloaf. Seriously. What kind of kid requests chicken salad and meatloaf as her two favorite foods? I saw a different recipe for chicken salad and thought it sounded like a yummy alternative to the normal one I make. And better yet, it was somewhat healthy. I had some chopped turkey in the freezer I pulled out instead of chicken. Same difference right? Also, I added raisins and some apple to the salad thinking that would be yummy in it. The first thing I discovered tonight is that my kids no longer like raisins. I'm not sure when that happened. Pretty sure they were eating them a few days ago. I'm really excited about their repulsion to raisins since I have to gonzo sized bags in the pantry. Then all three announced that dinner was "yucky." I roasted some asparagus to go with the chicken salad and crackers. The kids have been eating asparagus like crazy. Well, tonight they did not like asparagus anymore either. They basically ate crackers for dinner tonight. With forks. Carter was militant about getting his fork in a cracker. Which made a huge crumbly mess. Thinking about it, I'm not real sure they did eat any crackers. I think they were all crumbled up on the placemat.
Those faces are not loving dinner tonight. What about me? I'm not crazy about chicken salad to begin with. So, as far as chicken salad goes, I thought it was alright. Mr. Mayer ate some when he came home and liked it. I liked that it was healthy. I'll have to think of something else crummy to fix for dinner tomorrow so I can get back to the normal dinner dance. I can't handle them liking what I make! I'm not worried about my kids going hungry. Despite them thinking I'm not a very good cook they never seem to go without!
And just for your entertainment....
Olivia strutted off to school in this frock this morning. She has white footless tights and pink Converse tennis shoes with it. She thought she was hot stuff. The skirt is too big and fell down all day. It was a cute look.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

It's Not Wednesday, But This Is What She Wore

I guess you can say 'What She Wore Thursday.' It was just to good not to share!
She tried to get away with just wearing the shirt and tights....um, no. No. Just no. Not the look I want my 6 year old to have! I told her to put on a skirt, pants, dress, something. This is what she came up with.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Chairs

Monday, as I was taking off my seat covers in the kitchen to wash~again....the thought hit me. Why don't I just recover the seats in something that can be wiped off? My current method of washing my seat covers almost daily and using my little green machine to clean the chairs on a regular basis was exhausting. So...thinking that I am a GENIUS I load the Dudes up and we go to the fabric store. I was tempted by all the fun patterns and colors, but opted for a dark "coffee" color in a faux leather. I bring the fabric home and it sits on my counter for 2 days. Why? Because, I have no earthly idea how to recover a chair. None. Nada. Zilch. So, me recovering all 6 of my kitchen chairs is a GENIUS idea. Right? This morning was another rainy, cold, miserable day. The Dudes were playing and happy this morning so I thought it was as good a time as any to recover some chairs. I consult the all knowing and wise Google on what I should do. Luckily you type in "How to recover a chair" and you are bombarded with a million sites telling you what to do. Whew! Thank you Google! So, I gather my supplies. Mr. Mayer's drill, his staple gun, some screw drivers and my scissors. I start with the first chair. There are 7 screws on each chair that I have to unscrew to get the seat off. They are at a weird angle and there are wood bars in between each leg complicating matters. My drill doesn't exactly fit easily into the spaces. Grrr....it takes me 30 minutes to unscrew the first chair. This is going to take all day. I cut my fabric and freak out. Should I take the existing cushions off? Cover over them? Oh no!! What do I do?! I call Betsy. She's good at this stuff. She doesn't answer. Ugh. I text her and tell her that I really need her to answer her phone because I was elbow deep in a project. She doesn't respond. She's probably working or something lame. I decide to just cover over the existing cushions. Then the corners! Oh no! What do I do about corners?!?! I find some websites with some suggestions. All of them say that pleats are normal. If you don't have pleats you aren't doing it right. Then Betsy calls me. Figures. I told her I had carried on without her. She reassures me that it's easy and I can do it. I.  Hope. So. Oh, she also says corners are hard. Great. I'm figuring this out. It takes me an hour and two things of staples to get the first seat covered. I start on the second seat. These screws are even harder to get unscrewed. Somehow...not real sure how, but I break the drill bit. Yup. Broke it clean off. Doh!!! Mr. Mayer is going to kill me! How on earth do you break a drill bit?! How is that possible?!
My initial reaction it so text Mr. Mayer and say whoopsie. But, I don't. Instead I load the Dudes up and we race down to the hardware store. I drag the Dudes down the aisles until I find what I am looking for. I find the appropriate drill bits and buy 2. You know, just in case. Hahahaha....Mr. Mayer doesn't know this. Let's see if he reads my blog! We come home and I resume my project. By the 3rd chair I am getting my rhythm down. Corners are still a little tricky, but improving. However~the screws are still a B*t%c#. Ugh....Unscrewing and screwing back in are troublesome. By the 3rd seat I have a breakthrough. Duh! Just use some longer screws. Hello! GENIUS! Now....this is the point I learn something about Mr. Mayer. My husband is a screw hoarder. Insert dirty jokes here. I have a million going through my mind right now. I went to the garage in search of longer screws and found an entire drawer of screws. I bet he had 50+ boxes of screws in various sizes. Including the size I needed for my chairs! That's a good thing. I really didn't want to drag the Dudes back to the hardware store. Great. Now I have longer screws. Chairs 4&5 went much quicker. I was still having a heck of a time getting the screws out. Grrr...I was starting to get really frustrated. It was on the 6th chair that I had another epiphany. Duh, get a shorter drill bit. There was one on the little replacement kit I bought this morning. I go back out to the garage and get the shorter bit. Hallelujah!!! The shorter bit works. The screws come out in no time!! Whoo!!! My 6th chair takes a fraction of the time the first 5 have taken. Not only can I get my drill in and unscrew the screws in no time, but I have a handle on the corners. Sheesh...if only I had that clarity on the first chair. Needless to say, it took me 7 hours to recover 6 kitchen chairs. But, I did it. I feel accomplished. And, I think they look pretty good. Best part about the kitchen chairs though, they can be wiped off. I mean seriously. I have 3 kids. My chairs get gross. Being able to wipe them off is going to be worth all the calamity I went through today. Now that I know how to do it Mr. Mayer better watch out. I may get a wild hair to start recovering a lot more in the house! My dining room chairs look a little drab :)

Monday, April 1, 2013

I've Completely Lost My Sense of Humor...

And it's only noon. Can I have a do-over on today?
*We have mice. They are outside on the patio right now. But, since my children leave the door open all the time I'm expecting them to invade inside pretty soon. Mice completely freak me out. They are on my list with roaches. I'm not deathly afraid of them like snakes, but I don't like them and they creep me out. We have them. Mr. Mayer thinks I am being completely unreasonable about the situation. He thinks I should man up and kill them when I see them. I don't think he should be so mean about the situation. A little understanding about my dislike would go a long way. I mean, I kill spiders for him.
*My garage door is not working today. I discovered this at 5am. It's been an ongoing guessing game for a few months now. Some days it works. Some days it doesn't. At least it picked a fair weather day to not work. It's usually raining.
*About 5 minutes after Mr. Mayer and Diva left this morning I fell all the way down my second level of stairs and landed in a heap in the entryway. Luckily I was carrying two laundry baskets with me so I had laundry strung out everywhere. Owen and Carter were just staring at me.
*During my fall I broke a toe. I have never broken a bone in my life. This is a first. It's swollen and purple and hurts like the devil. Carter gave me kisses to make it feel better. It worked a little. My first thought when I realized my toe was broken was "How am I going to get my spin shoes on?!" That's normal, right?

*I had to pee. As I am sitting on the toilet Owen comes into the bathroom with his diaper around his knees saying "Buckle diaper Mommy!" in his whiniest voice possible. I reach down and start to fix his diaper only to realize I had just grabbed a handful of poop. Yup, he had a poopy diaper around his knees. And he had walked from upstairs. Oh-Em-Gee....
* I start cleaning Owen up. Carter comes into the room. Completely naked. He says "Where my diaper go Mommy?" What the hell is going on today?! I asked him if he diaper was poopy and he responds with his best "I don't know." Great. I get Owen cleaned up and Carter diapered and go on a scavenger hunt. Thank goodness the diaper wasn't even wet!! Whoo Hoo!! Score one for Mommy!
*The Dudes and I went and ran some errands. We picked up lunch and came home. The garage door isn't working so we unloaded and walked up to the front door. My hands were full with what we bought, lunch and drinks so the Dudes refused to open the storm door for me. Thanks guys! After I managed to get the door open I punched in the code for the front door. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. &*^%$^*(*!!! Crap. Just to make sure I do it a couple more times. Still nothing. We unload everything and traipse to the backyard. That back door opened! Whew! I was really close to losing my cool by that point.
*The Dudes wanted to eat lunch outside. So we did. And I sat there paranoid a mouse was going to run across my feet or something any second.
On the bright side I am about to go lay the Dudes down for a nap. Hopefully they will sleep today. Or, at least play quietly in their room? Maybe.