Friday, July 28, 2017

Reaching Goals and Defeating the Inner Voice

Guess what happened today?! I completed something I started two years ago!!! I know. I know. Two years seems like a long time. Especially when I started and stopped a million times. But, 9 weeks ago I set a goal for myself, and today I completed it.


I completed a Couch to 5K program, and I am proud of myself for the accomplishment. I have started and stopped this program a dozen times, always around week five or six. I had a million excuses not to finish it. To some this may seem like a pretty minor accomplishment. I know lots of people who could do a 5K in their sleep. However, me, I have never been a runner. I have never considered myself an athlete. Finishing this today felt really great.
Growing up I was never encouraged to participate in sports or extracurricular activities. In fact, I was almost discouraged from participating. If I would say I wanted to try something, like running track, I was told "You can't do that. You aren't a runner." I wanted to do basketball one year and was told that I was not coordinated enough to play basketball, and the other girls were much better than me. One year in middle school I wanted to be a cheerleader. I wanted to be a cheerleader more than anything in the world. I asked my parents if I could try out. My Dad's general response was "Whatever you want to do Jaynabird." Surprisingly, my mother also agreed to let me try out. At the time I babysat a little girl whose older sister was a varsity cheerleader. She helped me practice and I gave it all I had. I was so nervous I didn't talk about it with anyone. I waited patiently for the list of girls who made the team to be posted. My name was on it!!! I was so excited. I told my mother and she said "Oh. I didn't think you would actually make the team. Those girls all have reputations, and you can't be a part of that." Devastated doesn't scratch the surface of how I felt. After that I stopped asking to do things. In high school I half heartedly tried out for the flag team. I was not surprised and a little relieved I did not make the team. During high school I became involved in yearbook and photography. I really enjoyed it, and never gave team sports a second thought. Over the years I convinced myself I wasn't an athlete, and sports were not my thing.
In college students could use the campus fitness facility for free. I had a boyfriend and a good friend who worked out there all the time. I started going with them and discovered I really liked it. It quickly became a habit that I have maintained. A friend of mine teaches spin classes. Six years ago he convinced me to try out one of his classes. I was instantly hooked and have done spin since then. About two years ago I started getting bored with the monotony of my workouts and decided I needed to shake things up. That's when I downloaded the app. I didn't tell anyone for weeks that I was doing it. The first time I made it to week seven and my mother broke her neck, and everything stopped. It took a while, but I started the program over, and quit, a few dozen times. During one restart I mentioned to my mother that I had started running and she laughed and told me I was not a runner. I reverted back to my childhood self and stopped running.
I have been working on inner dialogue a lot lately. I'm learning to stand up for myself more and voice my opinion more. I still have a lot of work to do. But, I have a daughter, who is watching me and I hear myself in her, a lot more than I want to admit. I want her inner dialogue to be "Anything you want to do Jaynabird." 

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Who Says Romance is Dead?

While Mr. Mayer was running errands a little while ago he text me....

Mr. Mayer: That's a 15".

Me: Oh no! 13" it is!
        Yes. I like that much better. 
        Wait....That's the 13"? What is the size under that? 

Mr. Mayer: 12"

Me: I like the 12". 

Mr. Mayer: Really? 

Me: Hold on for a second. 

Mr. Mayer: The 13" is quite a bit heavier. Don't know if that matters or not. 

Me: Is the 12" deep? Cause the one I have that I use the most is 12", but not very deep. 

Mr. Mayer: 12" is on the left. These are deeper, and steeper sides too. 

Me: Yes--I like the 12". It's a good size. 

Mr. Mayer: Okay. I might get the 15" later to use. 

We were discussing skillets people!!! Skillets!! Mr. Mayer knows how to woo a girl. He bought me a composter last week. 



Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Taking Back Summer

I am a professional at over scheduling and doing too much. I have really been working on this and trying to simplify my life a little. I have been focusing on meaningful relationships and moments, and taking more of a quality over quantity approach to life lately. It has been hard, but has been so worth it. Summer has been a perfect test to my efforts. Last summer I worked and when I wasn't working I had a "fun activity" scheduled. We were so scheduled and busy that we lost the "fun" part somewhere along the way. Mr. Mayer and I took a long weekend together last summer and I was so tired from our "easy summer" that I just wanted to sleep the whole time. That's not fun.

This summer we have played with our neighbors and cousins, swam and slept in. The kids get to pick two camps they can do. The boys had one in June and another one in July. #1 didn't want to do any camps other than her cheer camps she has to do, and I am not making her. We have had time to watch movies, have sleepovers and catch fireflies. I have learned that it is just as fun to stay home and play pretend with the neighbors as it is to drive and hour to see a museum.

It has also been fun to watch the kids form relationships. We are lucky enough to live in a neighborhood with a lot of kids around the same ages as mine. These kids play until sunset all day everyday. Growing up my best friend stayed at her grandmother's across the street a lot of the time. Her and I, along with several other neighborhood kids, would play all day long. Those are some of my favorite memories, and some of my life long friendships were formed then. I am so happy that my kids get to have some of the same experiences and that they are forming lifelong relationships. #2 has already gotten married twice this summer!! The biggest takeaway I have from this summer so far is how fun the ordinary things can be. The kids love playing and riding their bikes outside. They love movie nights in the living room. Going to get a popsicle for snack time is a really big deal. Today we rode our bikes 1/2 a mile to get lunch, and I have never seen three kids as excited about something.


In addition to trying not to make too many plans, I am not intervening in a lot of their decision making or arguments. #1's best friend is our next door neighbor. Those two girls love each other 90% of the time. However, girls being girls, they have their tiffs, and I do not intervene or offer advice unless directly asked. Even then I am trying to keep it pretty general. I want her to learn how to problem solve and navigate friendships without me hovering over her. I do it with the Dudes as well, but they don't have the same level of drama as their older sister. Their biggest issue has been someone knocked over the other ones Lego tower and they were never speaking to each other again. That never lasts.