Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Poopaggedon....Part Whatever....It Happened Again!

I think I just threw up a little. As I have previously stated here and here I don't like poop.
These precious little shit bomb angels had a bath tonight. Mr. Mayer was cleaning the kitchen up after dinner and the Diva and I were doing the bath. They were washed and just playing in the tub. I step out and grab the humidifier and step back in and fill it up. I step back in (literally it's only 5 steps, maybe) and Carter is taking a bite of something. First glance I think it's a bath toy. I step a little closer and he holds it out to me. I instinctively hold my hand out. Carter places a turd in my hand. HE JUST TOOK A BITE OF A TURD!!!!! I think I just threw up a little more typing this. Now. I'm not certain of the culprit. I'm assuming the poo-er is Owen. He went a little just before he got in the bath. I guess he wasn't finished. Either way...I start shrieking. Mr. Mayer comes in and laughs at me. He calmly suggest that maybe it wasn't a turd. I direct him towards the trash can where I threw the turd. Okay. Maybe Carter didn't really take a bite. He had some on his chin and I stood there and watched him take a bite. Dis-gust-ing. Mr. Mayer helps clean the dudes up~again. I dry and lotion. They have terrible horrible no good diaper rash right now so we are letting them run amok in the living room-diaper less. I think I may regret this decision.
I'm nauseous. My kid just ate poop. Again!
And, in an effort to not disappoint Owen just pooped in the living room floor. Naked time is over! At least Mr. Mayer picked it up before the dogs or Carter ate it.

Monday, February 27, 2012

The Michael Jackson Experience...

Wow! I'm behind on this blogging thing. Life keeps happening!
Mr. Mayer, Aunt Betsy and I took Diva to see Cirque De Soleil Michael Jackson The Immortal last Saturday. I bought the tickets a year ago. Literally a year ago. I knew Diva would LOVE the show.
I didn't tell Diva until a few days before that we were going. She was very excited. We went and had dinner beforehand. When we arrived at the BOK Center Aunt Bets, Diva and I got in line for the bathroom. Diva was dancing around and squatting trying not to pee her pants. We had made our way pretty close to the front of the line with Diva dancing all the way. A woman walked by us on the way out of the bathroom. Aunt Bets and I saw her before Diva. We just gave each other an oh shit look. She was a little person. We could only imagine what Diva was going to have to say about this. Diva stopped mid dance and says (in her most quiet Diva voice) "Mom!! She was short but she looked like a grown up! Was she a grown up or kid?!" *Sigh* Diva doesn't have a quiet voice so I'm sure the entire BOK Center just heard this. I explain that she was a grown up and people come in all different sizes. She was satisfied with this answer.
We make our way into a stall. Despite Diva's insistence that she get to go in her own stall I make her go in with me.  I don't care how big she thinks she is. She's 5 and there are a ton of people in this place. We do our business. Diva is talking to me non stop. All of a sudden~ again in her most quiet voice~ "Mom! You have on silly panties!" Oh-Em-Gee. I'm embarrassed. I can hear the ladies standing outside the stall laughing. We walk out. Wash our hands. Aunt Bets is standing there laughing. Everyone else in the restroom is laughing as well. I'm sure my face is the color of a tomato. Diva notices everyone laughing. She gets upset and starts crying. When I ask why she tells me she thinks they are all laughing at her. I explain that no one is laughing at her. They are all laughing at me because I was wearing silly panties. I just want to get to our seats. We make our way down to our seats and get settled in.
The show starts and Diva is enthralled! She keeps asking when Michael Jackson is going to sing. We had talked about this. I remind her we had talked about this. I explain again that Michael Jackson is dead. They are just going to play his songs tonight. "Oh right. I know." The show proceeds...there is a group of people sitting behind us. One of them says something about Lady Gaga. Diva catches this and shrieks "Is Lady Gaga going to be here?!?!?! I want to see her!!!" Ha! Yeah...sorry. No Lady Gaga. The performers bring out a tall pole and they start walking a beautiful woman out towards the pole.  I dubbed her the "pole dancer." All of sudden Diva decides she has to pee. Right. Now. I take her to the potty again and miss the pole dancer. I am told she was the best performer of the whole show. Aunt Bets and Mr. Mayer really liked her. Thanks kid. While we were in the potty Diva had a lot of questions about whether Michael Jackson was in Heaven and how did he get there. I'm not sure what I said to the 'how did he get there' part but I did confirm he was in Heaven. We get back to our seats and settle in again. Mr. Mayer makes sure to tell me how good the pole dancer was. Just rub it in will ya?! There is a lull in the music. The arena is quiet. Diva announces~again in that really quiet voice she doesn't have~ that "They must be having a really great party in Heaven tonight. I'm going to wave to my Papa Walter, Uncle Walter and Michael Jackson. I bet they are hanging out." She then raises her arm and starts to wave with all her might. I hear a few chuckles behind me. I tell Diva that was very sweet and I'm sure they are having a great party.
Diva was loving the show....until 'Thriller' came on. Diva is the child who is terrified of anything in costume. You can imagine how tricky Halloween is. We can't eat in Chick Fil A because there is someone who roams around dressed like a cow. Sporting events are a game of hide and seek from the mascot that walks around to see all the kids. She's been getting better. Then 'Thriller' came one. There were people dressed like bats and zombies. Diva lost it. She sat in my lap and hid her face the entire song. I had a nice view of her hair. The rest of the evening she spent sitting in one of our laps. When the show ended we had one very tired little girl on our hands. She convinced her Daddy to carry her. Not a hard thing to do.
We made our way to the parking garage. We take Aunt Bets home and Diva was asleep before we could pull out of her driveway. I think she had a good time. She's still talking about it a week later.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


I have a confession to make. This parent thing. I'm totally winging it. I don't have a plan, manual, outline. Nothing. I wake up to a new world everyday. Thank goodness I have Google! Though that is how I diagnosed Diva with liver failure and a few other maladies. Whoops.
I know this information is completely shocking. Especially for someone slightly neurotic such as myself. I find it even more amazing that I am a parent to 3 screeching, smelly, drooling, back talking, darling little creatures since I started out my adult life never going to have children. I was going to travel the world and have exciting adventures. Ha! Now my excitement is peeling the Dudes off whatever they have climbed on and finding out what color Diva got at school today.
However....I am fine with my inexperience and lack of a game plan. I still have panic attacks when I worry that I may be completely screwing them up. But, for the most part they seem alright and pretty well adjusted.

What brings me to this conclusion? Friends. Thank God for friends. When I talk with my friends I realize that my children are completely normal. I also realize that the majority of the other parents I know are completely winging it as well. I met with some girlfriends last night. They are all part of my TMOMs (Tulsa Mom's of Multiples)group. I really like getting together with these ladies. It's nice to be able to talk and laugh with someone who is going through the same stuff you are. Last night was no different. From laughing about what Diva said to me in the bathroom to discussing taking pacifiers away. There were a wide variety of topics. I've also been noticing over the course of the last week that a lot of blogs I read have been saying the same thing I am. We are not perfect. Shrek just walked up to me eating something brown. I don't think I want to know what it is. He seems happy with it. Our kids eat dirt, dog food, grass, and who knows what else. Accidents happen. Messes happen. Our houses are not clean. Noses are crusty from time to time. There are days I, er, um, we have melt downs in Academy Sports because Shrek or some other anonymous random kid is screaming bloody murder, the employees are being complete douche bags and I, I mean a person, cannot find the size of shorts Diva or another child needs for soccer. And the Shrek and Donkey kids just knocked over their entire toy shelf for the millionth time today.
*Sigh* It's not a glamorous or clean life. It's reality and I have realized I only get to do this for a very brief moment in time before they don't need me or want me anymore. My "sister" Jackie was over the other night and she said something that has stuck in my head that I whole heartedly agree with. I would rather make a memory than have all the money in the bank. 
So....for now I'm going to continue to wing this parent thing. I'm going to keep making memories with my family. We can all figure it out as we go along. Years from now they can look back and laugh at what a cook their mom was.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Boobies R Us

Yup. That's right. I'm in big trouble with this girl child of mine. A few months back Diva announced to her Daddy and I that "all the boys like it when I shake my arm pits." Whuck?! She says this as she's demonstrating a shoulder shimmy. I quickly explained to her that at her age the boys should not like anything about her and that she should not concern herself with what the boys like.
Oh-em-gee. I knew having a girl I would probably have to deal with some boy (or girl) craziness at some point. I just wasn't prepared for it to hit in Pre-K. Yikes! Diva jumped on the Justin Bieber band wagon a few months ago and declared him her boyfriend. She's convinced that last year when she was a flower girl in a wedding that her and the ring bearer were actually married. Poor Hampton. He doesn't have a clue he's married.  She's already making big plans for when they are grown up. Apparently they are going to live in their own house. Not with me. They are going to have 3 kids and she is not going to work. Poor Hampton. And, any boy we see (no matter the age!) she says loudly "Mom! He's cute!" Grrr….not what I want my 5 year old to tell me.
In addition to the boy crazies we have had the "pregnik" issues. When I was pregnant Diva started putting balls under her shirt pretending she was pregnant. Then she progressed to breast feeding her "babies" after I had the boys. Then I got her to stop and she got a teacher at daycare that was pregnant and we started all over again. Again, it stopped after a while. Then Pre-K started and her teacher was pregnant. We started again. It stopped while her teacher was on maternity leave. Then maternity leave ended and last week Diva started breastfeeding her babies and putting balls under her shirt again. I try to ignore it. I occasionally tell her to take the balls out and stop. Honestly I'm at a loss as to how to handle this.
Then last night happened.
Mr. Mayer was gone. I'm not real sure what I was doing. Cleaning up after dinner or something. Diva was playing with her brother's. She leads them into the kitchen and says "Look Mom. We are all pregnik." I look over and not only did Diva have a ball under her shirt, but Shrek and Donkey had balls under their shirts as well. All three of those goofy kids were standing there grinning at me. I just shake my head and go about my business. Then Diva walks back into the kitchen and says "Don't I look sexy?" WHUCK?! I'm fairly positive I have never used that word. Granted my music choices probably contributed (thank you LMFAO), but I was bothered by my 5 year old asking if she looked sexy. Not to mention she had stuck two small balls under her shirt at her chest. In addition to still having the big ball under her shirt for a belly. Ack! After I recovered from the shock I decided to address the word sexy first.
Me:"You can't say words you don't know what they mean."
Diva: "Sexy means pretty."
Dang. How does she know that?! I'm flustered. Me: "Well. I don't like that word and it's not a good word for you to use."
Moving on. Diva has started to 'shake her armpits' now. I ask her to stop doing that and ask her what those balls in her shirt are.
Diva: "I'm pregnik. These are my boobies. They aren't very big. I went to Boobies R Us and got them."
At this point I'm at an utter loss. I don't even know what I said at this point.  Whatever it was got her out of the kitchen and the subject was changed.
Being the really top notch mom that I am. I did manage to get a picture~I had to text Mr. Mayer and share the events that were occurring while he was gone.
Really weirds me out to see her like this.
Mr. Mayer just wanted to know if Boobies R Us was a real place. I'm trying really hard not to overreact and make a big deal out of it. I'm going to be glad when this phase ends.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

What If?

I think "what ifs" are an inevitable part of life.
I had big plans to blog about Diva's 5th birthday party, my brother or about my new "niece" Scarlett that was born last night. I'm sure I will get to those soon. But....
I'm tired. Maybe a little grumpy. And I received a letter in the mail today that has me festering. It's not an unusual letter. I get a few of them during the course of the year. Each and every time I get this letter it's like a punch in the gut. Old wounds are open. I think the intention of the letter is to be comforting. It never is. It takes me right back to June 2, 1990 each and every time.
I am part of an exclusive circle I never wanted to join. My letter is from the Victim's Services Office in Texas. My biological father, Kevin, was beat to death when I was 9. I get notified every time the man who committed the crime comes up for parole. I have to write a victim impact statement to the board and tell them my reasons for protesting Mr. Morales' parole. It's complicated now. Mr. Morales was released from the Texas Department of Corrections 2 years ago on a technicality. The way my Advocate explained it to me was that the Texas Parole Board is given 90 days to review parole applications. They did not make it to Mr. Morales' folder so he was released because they did not have time to review his file. Salt in the wound. Since then Mr. Morales has violated his probation. The letter I received today stated there was a warrant out for him. They will keep me updated.
I suppose I should preface the next part with this:
I was adopted by my paternal grandparents. I call them Mom & Dad. I have always called my biological parents Lisa and Kevin. That's just what I have always done. Life is complicated. 
What ifs have been a big part of my life~ even now. I always wonder "What if?" There are a thousand what ifs that I play through my mind regularly. What if things had turned out differently? What if I didn't have such a unique history? What if Kevin had lived? That last one always leads to the next inevitable questions...What would he be like? How would he be with my kids? How would life be different if I never had to write a Victim Impact Statement?
I can't say I'm angry with Mr. Morales. I gave up on that years ago. It did no good. Nothing changed. I still have very few memories of Kevin. I have very few pictures. I am just left with a lot of questions. What I feel when I don't feel numb is a lot of heartbreak. I'm heartbroken about everything that he missed out on. I'm heartbroken that I never got to know him. This just leads to more 'what ifs'. You can see how it's a vicious circle.
Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer tonight. I would like to say that I am unaffected by these letters~I can't. Tomorrow is a new day.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

What She Wore Wednesday

Happy Wednesday folks....this is what a 5 year old looks like in our house.
Coat: Birthday gift
Shirt: Gap Kids
Jeggings: Gap Kids
Shoes: Sketchers from Aunt Betsy
Hair bow: gift (she fixed her own hair this morning and was VERY proud of it).

If you have a What She Wore Wednesday link up with this blog and Martha over at 50stickyfingers.blogspot.com 

Thursday, February 2, 2012


IMG 7714

So….last night was a weird night. Strange things were happening when I was trying to sleep.
I am an extremely sound sleeper. I have always been worried I wouldn't wake up if the kids needed me, but I have always seemed to manage. Usually. It takes a lot for me to wake up during the night. This is also the reason I sleep through my 5:15 am alarm to go to the gym. I currently have a 5:15 alarm and a 5:25 alarm set. I still sleep through both of them.
Mr. Mayer talks in his sleep. I have known this since the beginning. And, it's not a whisper or a mumble. He yells. I will never forget the very first time he did it. He started yelling about the clowns and chickens. I thought he was talking to me at first and I was super confused. Very bizarre. I said something to him the next day and he had no recall of that happening. Another time he woke me up "flying" airplanes with his hands and talking about landing them. Again. No memory of this happening.
Olivia is an extremely sound sleeper. But~ she also talks in her sleep. She has slept in a pull up since she began potty training. I have tried several times over the last couple of years to go pull up free. I go upstairs and take her potty a few times during the night when we do this. She never wakes up when I do this. After I take her potty I usually end up laying her in the floor while I change her sheets and she never wakes up. She still soaks her sheets even after I change them and take her potty. I cut drinks off at dinner. I have talked to her doctor about it numerous times. His only answer is that it will come with time. She is a sound sleeper and they are the worst kind to get to stop peeing the bed. She just has to get a little older. Grrr…not what I want to hear.
So…back to last night. First I woke up sometime around midnight with Mr. Mayer on top of me (This isn't what you think!) squeezing me in a gigantic bear hug and rubbing his head on my shoulder. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I was in utter shock. I wasn't sure what to do. Before I could really react he lets go and rolls over. Clearly sound asleep. Weird. Great. He's progressing from yelling to hugging. I recover and go back to sleep. It seems like I had just fallen back to sleep with Olivia comes tearing into our room crying. She never says a word. Just crying. She goes to Mr. Mayer's side of the bed and crawls in. This is super weird. She never sleeps with us. She never gets in bed with us. She never stops talking when she is awake. Mr. Mayer is awake and flustered. He is trying to talk to her and she's just crying and getting into bed. I lay there. I was trying to let him be the hero. Mr. Mayer asks for some help. I suggest she had a bed dream. He runs upstairs. I mean, he takes off running. Olivia follows after him still crying. I still lay there in shock. It's 1:15am. Mr. Mayer comes back a few minutes later~alone. He tells me that Olivia got back into bed and was sleeping. I ask him why he ran upstairs. He said he was worried something had happened upstairs. I say again I think she just had a bad dream.
This morning when Olivia is getting ready for school I ask her why she came into our room crying last night. She had no clue what I was talking about. She asks me what I mean and I tell her again that she came into my room crying during the night. Did she remember? Olivia has no memory of coming into my room during the night. Later she says "I must have stubbed my toe or something." That's a little freaky.
I am hoping for a calmer night tonight. Though~ Olivia got up not long ago and went potty. All on her own. This is a big deal. It has never happened. She didn't just pee in her pull up. She actually got up and went potty. I am a proud Mama right now. She may not graduate High School still wearing a pull up.

Brotherly Love

The guys are usually typically happy in the mornings. I use this time to encourage independent play and get some stuff I want to done~aka: Facebook, blog, laundry, email...etc.
This morning is no different. Except the TV broke. That's another story. It's going to be a long, quiet day. I probably have it on too much anyway.
Okay. Back to task. The Dudes were playing and I hear a commotion to my right. I look over and see this.
Sorry for the poor quality. I was trying to be fast, not good.
Awww...they love each other. This never happens. They are usually fighting, biting and screaming at each other. That's why I wasn't surprised when seconds later I got this.
Owen was sick of it.
I have noticed lately that they are starting to play with each other a little bit. Not much. But, progress is progress I suppose. No fear. They are back to the biting, fighting and screaming as I type.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Doorknobs and Death Wishes

Holy Smokes! I have my hands full with these guys. One of my favorite blogger's, Mama and the Dudes, talked tonight about her wild morning with her almost 2 year old guys. It sounded familiar. It made me feel better to know that I am not alone in this twin adventure.
The Dudes have started climbing. On everything they can get their chubby little legs on. It's no big deal to walk in and see Carter on top of the entertainment center or cabinet. Last week he climbed onto the kitchen cabinet and got a box of Clementines I had up there and strolled through the living room carrying the box in one hand and eating a Clementine like an apple with the other hand saying "Yum" in his most serious voice.

I have cleaned out drawers and cabinets and rearranged the entire living room. We have most cabinets locked up. But no fear Owen knows how to open the cabinets. *Sigh* He hasn't shown his brother how and he doesn't do it very often thank goodness! I started to get confident and comfortable in our current situation. I was thinking I had a handle on this and we might survive.
Ha!! I'm a moron.
I left for a few hours last week. Faith, our babysitter extraordinaire was watching the guys. I came home and she says that Carter had been opening all the bedroom doors.
Let me set the stage for you...Our house is an open floor plan. Kitchen and living room are all one big area. There is a hallway with two bedrooms, bathroom and utility room off to one side. The other side is the master bedroom. I have baby gates up blocking the office and Diva's area and keep all the doors shut so I can pretend to keep up with these guys.
Back to Faith's news~this is terrific (dripping in sarcasm). We have lived here for 3 years. I don't remember going through any of this with Diva in our house before this one or in this one when we moved in. When we moved in every door in this house had lever handles on them. Beautiful. I loved them.

Then along came the Dudes. Carter quickly learned how to open doors with the lever handles. Owen saw Carter doing this so Owen started doing it as well. Me and my genius self thought "oh, I'll just put child locks on all the doors." No. Big. Deal. It worked great for about a month. Then came last week. Carter had been opening all the bedroom doors. That punk learned how to open the child locks. So, the rest of that day was a wrestling match trying to keep him and his brother from destroying the house. Mr. Mayer  took an emergency trip and installed these bad boys...
I give it another month before monkey boy learns how to open these. I've got my work cut out for me.