Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Where Did The Time Go?

I'm sure this is something all parents go through, but the past couple of weeks I have been really noticing how my little Diva isn't so little anymore. Where did the time go? As dumb as this sounds it really hit me Sunday when I was at the mall. The kids are outgrowing their clothes left and right and had some gift cards to Gap. I was looking at the girls clothes in Baby Gap and it was all too small for her. She's a 5 now. That took me back for a minute. Another night not long ago Aunt B, Diva and I were at Target when Aunt B asked me if Diva could wear the big girl clothes yet. It took me a second, but I realized, that yes, she can. Ouch. She's not a baby. I have Apple TV on my living room TV. While it plays music pictures we post on Flickr scroll on the TV. I have pictures from a few months ago mixed in with the most recent pictures. As I watch these pictures scroll by I notice that a few months ago Diva was still pudgy and had a baby face. Lately in her pictures she is thinner and looks more like a little girl. When did this happen? I'm pretty sure she was just born! I'm sure Mr. Hubs and I are like most parents. When our babies are first born we can't wait until they are sleeping through the night. We are excited about every milestone that they cross and get excited thinking about when they are big and all the fun stuff we can do. We did that with Diva and we are doing it with Shrek and Donkey. It's a double edged sword for me. While it's really nice that she is more self sufficient and can dress herself, feed herself and go to the potty. It's also a little sad that she isn't that pudgy little baby anymore that relied on me for everything. Christmas was fun this year and I was so excited that I hardly slept the night before. Diva knew what Christmas was this year and was so excited for Santa to come and to see what he was bringing her. It was so fun to watch her and see the excitement she had. Mr. Hubs and I talked about when Shrek and Donkey are older and how much fun the Holiday's are going to be around our house. Frantic but fun. While I know the future is exciting, it's a little sad to say goodbye to the past.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Thanksgiving Thursday

Thanksgiving Thursday is a time to be thankful for what you have in your life...even when you are having a really bad week, take a minute and reflect on the good. I have no ambition to do this every Thursday, but I will strive to take the time to pause and reflect and remember the good things in life that I am thankful for.
Today I am thankful for...
SAHM...I was never going to get married. I certainly was never going to have kids. I was going to travel the world and be a writer. Then along came Mr. Hubs in 2001 and changed my way of thinking about everything and here I am today a SAHM and I love it. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to be able to do so.
STTN....those boys have been doing it for a couple of weeks now and it is pure bliss. Even though we've all been sick with colds their nighttime sleep has not been disrupted too much. Now, napping is another story!
Christmas...I love Christmas. I always have. I love the beauty of it, the tradition, the family, the giving, everything. I love it. 
Giving...It sounds odd, but I really love to give to people. Christmas is a good opportunity for me to indulge myself and give. I get so excited for Mr. Hubs and Diva to open their gifts I can hardly stand it. When Shrek and Donkey are older it will be so much fun!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Not My Daughter!

I blogged about a month ago how Diva had been throwing temper tantrums and getting in trouble at school. Well, a few days after that blog post Diva comes home. We are in the living room playing. She is being oddly good. Meaning, no temper tantrums, she hadn't back talked and was being very helpful. Weird. Well, about an hour after she had been home I finally got around to looking at the daily sheet her teacher sends home everyday. I'm reading about what she had for lunch and what art project they did. I make it to the end of the page and it says that my sweet little Diva SLAPPED HER TEACHER IN THE FACE! I am furious. I asked Diva about this and she said "Yes...I wanted to be the first outside and she was making us get in a line." WHAT?! I am on the verge of murdering this child. I have never been so angry at her in my life. In lieu of killing her I send her to her room. I was afraid if I did anything other than that I might hurt her. By this point Mr. Hubs comes out of his office to see what the issue is. I tell him and he is just as angry as me. This is not our child. She does not behave that way. The past few weeks have been a cumulation of horrible behavior. I was struck by the thought that daycare would call us when she threw a temper tantrum but when she slaps her teacher they don't do anything more than write it on her paper. Mr. Hubs and I discuss what appropriate action to take with Diva. We can't just let her slide by thinking this is okay. It is so far from okay. And, slapping?  We don't slap at our house. I don't know that I or Mr. Hubs have ever been slapped. Diva gets a spanking maybe twice a year. We debated on spanking her. I felt that the moment for spanking had passed and that I was to angry to do it. We had taken her dress up clothes away for the temper tantrum. What to do? What to do? We finally decided after a stern reprimand and threats that if she ever did that again we would kill her she had to call her Aunt B and Nana and tell them about her offense. That crushed her. She did not want to tell her two most favorite people in the world what she had done. Of course we warned Aunt B and Nana before Diva had spoken to them about what had happened and they needed to make it clear that behavior was not okay. For the rest of the evening until dinner Diva had to sit in her room by herself and at dinner Mr. Hubs did not let Diva talk. Not one word. Then it was off to take a shower and straight to bed without having a book read. It was complete torture for the child. I think it might have been more effective than any other punishment we could of done. The next morning there was more discussion about making good choices and we would kill her if she ever did that again. Diva promised that she would never do something like that again and she would be a "good girl." Mr. Hubs made Diva apologize to her teacher when they got to school that morning. It's been about a month now since that happened. I'm still in shock that my child would do something like that. But, to her credit she has been a really great kid since then. She has even stopped peeing in her pants so much. We still have accidents and still have to remind her daily to pee in the potty, but it is much improved over what it was.
I've been asked a lot since I had Shrek and Donkey if there have been problems with Diva or how does Diva feel about her brothers. My response has always been the same. Diva adores her brothers. She is always so excited to see them and always wants to hug and kiss on them. However, at school she has had a lot of behavior problems. Behaviors that are completely out of character for her. It has really thrown Mr. Hubs and I for a loop. It has been such a concern that we have questioned her about school and if everything is okay there and has something happened to her that is not okay. The forensic interviewer in me has really come out. She is insistent that everything is fine. The only other conclusion that I have come to is her brother's. That is the only change in her world. Mr. Hubs and I have been making an extra effort to do special things with Diva and to spend some special one on one time. Sometimes it's been hard to fit it in but we decided it was important to do this. I especially have been making an effort to do things with her just her and I without her brothers. It's easy to get caught up in the day to day routine of life and taking care of new babies. Since we have been making the extra effort and taking time to spend with Diva and laid down the law and let her know that her behavior was not okay under any circumstances....life has gone much smoother. She has been a much better behaved girl and things have been happier around our house. We still have to be pretty forceful with the rules and not let her have a lot of leeway. We start to see the sassiness and temper tantrums flair up when we let her have to much wiggle room. But, in general, the Mayer house has been a much happier house since then, I'm just sorry her teacher had to get slapped for us to get here.

In Sickness and Health

The Holiday season is in full force as well as cold's around our house. It's been a great week! To catch everyone up both little boys have colds complete with fevers this week. I feel so bad for them. Other than Tylenol and sucking out their noses there just isn't much I can do for them which makes me feel miserable. I don't like it when my kids are sick. I want to make them better instantly and I can't do that. I feel helpless. In addition to the little one's having colds Mr. Hubs and I have colds as well. Mr. Hubs has a yucky cough with his. He always has the need to cough at really awkward times. Such as when we are putting the boys to bed. It's funny to watch him try to muffle the cough and the look of panic in his face. I know he can't help it. I haven't gotten the cough. I just have the miserable runny nose, chest congestion and all around lousy feeling. I have a very low tolerance to medication. For some reason I still think that I can take cold medication and function properly. It's been a struggle for me the past few days because I keep taking the medication and it keeps making me feel loopy. When I was in the hospital after having Shrek and Donkey they gave me morphine. Which was great, but there are parts about those few days I have no memory of. I'm told one of my good friends came to see me and I don't remember her being there or me talking to her. I just remember being itchy.
Mr. Hubs keeps apologizing for making us all sick. I keep reminding him that Diva had a cold with fever a couple of weeks ago. If anyone is to blame it's her. How dare she!! Before children Mr. Hubs and I were never sick. We had the occasional cold but never anything more serious. Since children I feel like we have a revolving door of illness. I get excited about summer time and warmer weather because I know we will all be sick less.
I was feeling a little smug just before Thanksgiving. I was looking at Facebook and reading about how everyone and their kids were sick with one thing or the other. I remember thinking to myself "I am so grateful none of us have been sick. We haven't even had colds!" Well not two days later Diva has a fever. Yay...and so it began. I will admit that we have faired far better this fall than last. By Christmas last year we all had a handful of colds, Diva had H1N1 and regular flu and I had strep throat and bronchitis. So, we are fairing better than last year. It's just miserable when you are in the midst of it.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Sleep Tight, Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite....

It's been a minute since I last wrote...we have weathered the Thanksgiving Holiday relatively unscathed. Relatively.
 I'm a big believer that sleep fixes a lot of problems. I've always been somewhat of a drill sergeant when it comes to Diva getting enough sleep. Mainly because if she doesn't we all suffer. I'm someone who wold be perfectly content with 20 hours of sleep a day and not think twice about it. It doesn't happen...lately 6 hours of sleep is a luxury. I have tried to maintain the same sleep standards for Shrek and Donkey that I do for Diva. They were barely a month old when I was starting a bedtime routine and putting them to bed at a specific "bedtime."
When Diva was very small she was happiest going to bed at 6:30 and then she would sleep until 7 or 7:30 sometimes later in the morning. The 6:30 bedtime was inconvenient since Mr. Hubs and I were working full time and would barely get home when Diva would want to go to bed. But, we did it and everyone was happier for it. As she has gotten older I have extended her bedtime out to 7:30. It's pretty flexible. If something is going on, we are out or have company I let her stay up later. I have tried to consistently stretch her bedtime out to 8pm but that has made everyone miserable. Diva needs her sleep and we are all happier when she gets it. Needless to say with the Thanksgiving Holiday Diva has not had her sleep. Ugh...It started when she got a cold early last week with a fever. She wasn't resting well. Then comes Thanksgiving and all the festivities that brings and all the family and friends to see. Her routine was disrupted and she went without naps and later bedtimes. Saturday we had friends over to watch "the big game." Diva and her little friends that came over were up until almost midnight. You can imagine how miserable yesterday was. Complete with wailing and alligator tears. Last night Mr. Hubs and I spent an hour trying to calm a hysterical little girl down because her legs hurt and her head hurt and she couldn't sleep. Finally after some medication she slept soundly until about 6:45 this morning. Miss Diva is staying home with me today in the hopes of keeping it a quiet and uneventful day and she will get some much needed rest and the there will not be fewer dramatics this week. Cross your fingers.
Diva has always been a fairly flexible child. When she was a baby I could put her in her car seat and take her anywhere and know that she would not throw a fit. I knew she would nap and be generally pleasant whatever we were doing. I could wag her from one end of the country to the next without any protest. Then there was Shrek and Donkey. They are completely different creatures. I don't know if it's just personality, the fact they are boys, or a combination of both. These boys do not do well with a flexible schedule. They do not like sleeping anywhere but their beds. Car trips anywhere are miserable. Shrek especially hates his car seat and the car. Diva was a child that would sleep the second she was in her car seat. Shrek starts screaming the second he is in his car seat and does not stop until he is out of it. Occasionally Donkey joins in. Sometimes he gives me a reprieve and lets Shrek handle all the screaming. You can imagine how holiday travel to see friends and family out of town goes badly. Not only is their schedule disrupted, but they have to ride in their car seats. No one is happy. We all suffer when their routine is disrupted. In addition to Diva's dramatics the past few days Shrek and Donkey have made sure to let Mr. Hubs and I know that their routine has been disrupted and they are tired and ticked off. It has been steady screaming since about Friday.
So, if anyone is wondering where I am today, I am home, with three grumpy kids. I am hoping that a little sleep and return to normalcy will restore the calm to my family's life.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Thanksgiving Thursday

Thanksgiving Thursday is a time to be thankful for what you have in your life...even when you are having a really bad week, take a minute and reflect on the good. I have no ambition to do this every Thursday, but I will strive to take the time to pause and reflect and remember the good things in life that I am thankful for.
Today I am thankful for...
Health....I keep hearing about friends and their kids getting sick. So far, knock on wood, we are all healthy and the worst illness we've had has been colds.
Seat warmers in my car...it sounds silly, but last night was cold when Diva and I left dance lessons and I was so thankful I had a seat warmer in my car.
Diva....she has tested my patience greatly this week and I am very thankful I didn't kill her after she slapped her teacher. She is a beautiful, strong willed child that keeps me on my toes. I have to be creative with her.
Neighbors....they brought a pumpkin pie over last night made with real pumpkin, not canned. It was divine. 

Friday, November 12, 2010

My Friend Taught Me...

I have a friend who recently blogged about a game she liked to play called the Glad Game. She learned it from the movie Pollyanna. I have never seen Pollyanna, but I will trust if my friend says it's good, it must be. To play the game you take inventory of everything around you and find things to be glad about. Now, my friend who taught me this game has every reason in the world to be bitter and angry at the crappy things that have happened to her and her family recently. Yet, here she is playing the Glad Game. I'm not exaggerating when I say my friend is my hero and I strive to be more like her everyday. Tonight especially I was taking life hard. Mr. Hubs was out later than normal, I was tired and all 3 kids were screaming. Normally I would get very grouchy with the kids and wallow in self pity for a little bit. However tonight I thought of my friend and the Glad Game. While they might have been screaming and things might have been a little overwhelming tonight I was glad. I was glad because I have 3 beautiful and healthy children whose smiles can melt your heart. Having multiples I am painfully aware of the risks to them and the possibilities of health problems and they could have been in NICU at birth. I was blessed with 2 gigantic healthy babies. I am glad I have my kids when so many people out there want a baby so much and are unable to. Or, there are people out there who have a child for only a brief moment before they are taken away from them for one reason or another. I can't even imagine that grief. Working in child abuse for 10 years taught me the fragile tight rope we walk. I am glad that the worst thing my daughter has suffered through was getting her dress up clothes taken away. I am glad that Mr. Hubs and I are in a position that I can stay home with my kids when so many of my friends and people I know can't. I am glad that I am married to my best friend and I truly believe he is the person made for me. I was adopted when I was a toddler. While that comes with its own bag of issues I am glad for the experience and I am glad that I was adopted by family and I get to know my "people." I moved to Tulsa nearly 8 years ago not knowing a soul other than Mr. Hubs. I am glad that I have made the wonderful friends I have. Each of them have helped shape me into a better person. And, tonight as I get ready to go to bed I am glad that I have a roof over my head, a home I love and food to eat. There are so many out there who don't have any of that and wonder where they will get their next meal. I am glad that my family and I are provided for and that my kids don't know what it is to be hungry. Most of all I am glad to be loved and to have the ability to love. Okay, that's as sappy as I will get...I wanted to share the Glad Game with you, especially as we get close to Thanksgiving and take inventory of all the things we are thankful for. We need to remember to be thankful and glad all year, not just at Thanksgiving.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Kicking and Screaming

Friday was an interesting day. I was scrambling around the house trying to get bags packed for everyone. I was going out of town for a birthday shopping trip in Dallas. Mr. Hubs was taking all 3 of the kids to his mother's house on Saturday. I was trying to get things packed, cleaned up and put away and in order for Mr. Hubs. In the midst of my chaos I had a phone call from Diva's school. That is never a good sign. My first thought was that she was sick because that is the only time they ever call. In my mind I am rearranging the weekend and preparing myself for a sick little girl. I had missed the phone call so I was calling the school back preparing myself for the worst. When someone answers I identify myself expecting to be told that Diva is sick and I need to come get her. Only, when I identified myself the girl goes "hold on" and before I know it I am talking to Diva's teacher. Hmmm...this isn't good. Ms. Teacher starts telling me that Diva has thrown a temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums. She didn't want to turn the light on in the bathroom this morning. When Ms. Teacher did so Diva started kicking and hitting the wall with a step stool, screaming and throwing herself in the floor. Ms. Teacher goes on to tell me that Diva has thrown fits every day this week and she was having a difficult time with her. Ms. Teacher puts Diva on the phone to talk to me and I begin to reprimand her. "I'm sorry Mommy. Will you come get me? I want to go home." Normally I would go get her and/or just let her stay home with me. However, due to the reasons for the phone call I felt like I would be rewarding her if I went and got her. I told her so much over the phone and made her apologize to Ms. Teacher for acting like a brat. After I got off the phone with Diva and Ms. Teacher I called Mr. Hubs and shared the information with him. Needless to say both of us were very angry with Diva. We have been having some behavior problems at home with Diva. She was potty trained and in June she decided she was no longer going to go to the potty, her pants worked just fine. It has been an ongoing battle. We have tried scolding her, taking away privileges, ignoring the problem, etc. We are at a loss. Our most recent approach to the issue is to ignore it and make her change herself when she has an accident. We give her tons of praise when she doesn't have an accident. Our thinking has been that she has had a lot of changes and this is her way of dealing with her new brothers. In addition to no longer going to the potty Diva has had a major attitude lately. It started out with just me. She was sassy and would back talk me and tell me that she "didn't have to do what you say." Yeah....it's amazing she has lived this long. It has gradually increased to her Daddy over the past months. When she doesn't get her way she throws herself in the floor, kicking and screaming. She throws things. One night she was angry and threw a book at me. We didn't read a book before bed that night. On one occasion she was upset with her Daddy because he told her to do something she stomped upstairs and slammed her bedroom door. I don't know what to think of all this attitude from her. And now we have her school calling us because of her temper tantrums. Now, Diva has always been very dramatic and cries at the drop of a hat. She has always been a very well behaved child though. Again, I keep telling myself that she is 3 and exerting her independence and testing the waters. She is also trying to adjust to new brothers and all the changes in her life. She has no other way to deal with it. Easier said than done! There are days I want to choke her she makes me so mad. There is only so much back talk and attitude I can take from her. Friday after "the call" I called Mr. Hubs to share with him. We decided that in addition to letting her know we were very upset with her she was going to lose all her dress up clothes and would have to earn them back with good behavior. We explained this to her on Friday when she came home. She didn't even bat an eye and just said "okay." She's still trying to ear her crayons back from when she wrote all over the kitchen tile with them. This morning when Mr. Hubs took her to school he made her apologize to her friends and Ms. Teacher for "being a brat." I'm at a loss. I don't know if we are taking the correct approach with Diva, but I know that I do not want to have a bratty child that thinks she can throw temper tantrums to get her way. You always hear about the "Terrible 2's" but let me just say that 3 has been way worse for us than 2 ever was. I am hoping that 4 is a much better age for all of us--if she lives that long!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Thanksgiving Thursday

Thanksgiving Thursday is a time to be thankful for what you have in your life...even when you are having a really bad week, take a minute and reflect on the good. I have no ambition to do this every Thursday, but I will strive to take the time to pause and reflect and remember the good things in life that I am thankful for.
Today I am thankful for...
Mr. Hubs. I am turning 30 this month and I have not been excited. During date night last week Mr. Hubs tells me that for my birthday he is sending me and a friend to Dallas for the weekend. It took some convincing and about 20 minutes later I finally believed him. My friend and I are leaving on Friday and coming back on Sunday. Mr. Hubs is taking on all 3 kids by himself so I can have a few days away. The thing I'm most excited about? Sleeping all night! While I do feel a little guilty about leaving him with all 3 kids, I am more excited. He always does really good gifts, but I think this is the best one yet. 
Today. Today is the first day in a week or more that I don't have a thing I have to do. I don't have to go anywhere, do anything or get out of my pj's if I don't want to. I'm really excited about this. This past few weeks have been insane and there has been something to do daily. So, I am going to be lazy and enjoy this quiet day with my boys. I have traded my pj's for some leggings though :)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

A Lot Can Happen In Two Months

Two months ago today Mr. Hubs and I successfully took our peaceful little life together and turned it upside down and shook it--really good! That's right, Shrek and Donkey are 2 months old today and a lot has changed. In the effort to jinx myself I would say that we are settling into our new roles- finally! Diva is still madly in love with her brother's and wants to help with everything except changing diapers which she says is "gross." If I knew how to upload pictures onto this blog I would. That is a lesson Mr. Hubs is going to have to give me one of these days, or do it for me ;) So, here goes, without pictures...
Donkey, two months ago...
My first born, you came out without much effort. In fact Doctor said not to push too hard because you would hit the wall behind him if I did. You were screaming as you came out. Daddy and I could hear you in the next room as they were cleaning you up. Very healthy lungs.
You arrived weighing 6 pounds 4 ounces--not shabby for a multiple!
You were 18 inches long, though I would of sworn you were about 50 the way it felt.
Today...
You weigh a whopping 10 pounds 3 ounces and are 21 1/2 inches long. I am very happy with this weight. You dropped down to 5 pounds 10 ounces your first week of life and had Daddy and I very worried. We had to take you in to see the doctor for weight checks several times. You are finally starting to make some ground!
You are holding your head up very well and have learned how to roll from your belly to your back. Though you don't like to be on your back and you get very upset when you do this. It usually happens in the middle of the night and I have to go in and roll you back over.
You move around a lot in your sleep. We had to separate you and brother because you kept disturbing him.
You are sleeping about 3 1/2 to 4 hours at a time at night. Daddy and I only have to get up with you and brother once a night. It is very nice.
You hate taking a bath, but don't mind getting your diaper changed.
You are starting to laugh and smile at people which melts my heart every time.
We call you the "old man" because you wrinkle your forehead up and grunt like an old man. You raise one eyebrow when someone talks to you like your Papa Walt used to.
You don't like to snuggle very much, but like have people talk to you.
You had shots this morning. I felt like I was the one getting the shots. You did great and only cried for a minute before you were over it and took a nap.
I love you more and more everyday....
Shrek, two months ago...
My second born, you arrived into this world with some effort. You started to come out breech until your cord prolapsed and Doctor decided we needed to do a C-section. You still came out feet first. You were so pitiful to see. You had bumped your head on my pelvic bone and had a bruise on your forehead. Your feet were bruised from coming out feet first and you had some fluid in your lungs and sounded raspy. 
Daddy and I were very worried when you were born because we didn't get to see you right away and we couldn't hear you. It was one of the best feelings when they finally showed you to us and told us you were "okay."
You arrived in this world at a whopping 7 pounds 8 ounces and 20 inches long. I was convinced they had your length wrong. I just knew you were about 6 foot tall. You were gigantic for a multiple. Doctor was very glad he didn't have me push you our breech knowing how big you were. 
Today...
You weigh a whopping 11 pounds 15 1/2 ounces and are 23 1/2 inches long. You are my big boy! You have graduated from size 0-3 to the size 3-6 months clothing. We call you "fatty" because you look like a giant next to your brother. 
You are starting to hold your head up, but have no interest in rolling over any direction.
You are my flirt. You love to laugh, smile and "talk" to anyone near you. Your sister loves it when you smile at her and talk to her. You are very social and love to be held and cuddled. You would probably let me hold you 24/7 if I would. Sometimes it is very hard to put you down. 
You love to lay in the floor and look in your mirror. You also love it when I put you by your brother and you will stare at him forever and gurgle at him.
You had shots this morning. I thought I was going to cry with you. You did not take it very well. You cried most of the morning and into the afternoon until I finally got you to fall asleep for a nap. 
Watching you and your brother sleep is one of my favorite things.
You are a very sound sleeper. We usually have to wake you up during the night when your brother gets up to eat. One of these days I want to let you sleep just to see if you would sleep all night. 
I love to kiss your cheeks.

I am looking forward to what the future brings as Shrek, Donkey and Diva continue to grow and change. The upcoming months are going to be full of change and discovery and I am very excited to see the boys turn into little people.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Thanksgiving Thursday

Thanksgiving Thursday is a time to be thankful for what you have in your life...even when you are having a really bad week, take a minute and reflect on the good. I have no ambition to do this every Thursday, but I will strive to take the time to pause and reflect and remember the good things in life that I am thankful for.
Today I am thankful....
for the fact that I did not have triplets! There is just two of them....
for friends who make me laugh daily...
for a really awesome babysitter who can make date night possible...
for date night, gives me something to look forward to all week...

Monday, October 25, 2010

Finding Time...

When you are pregnant you come up with all these grandiose ideas of what having a child will be like. Well, at least I did. People you know, things you read and strangers you meet along your journey all tell you how important it is to take time for yourself. To keep doing the things you enjoy and get away on your own whenever possible. When I was pregnant with Diva I was delusional to think that the baby weight would disappear before I left the hospital. I would have a beautiful baby that was happy and slept well. I would have time to do all the things I had done before and the things I wanted to start doing. Before I had Diva I belonged to a gym. I was there religiously every morning between 5:30 and 6:00 and really liked going. During my pregnancy I gained 80 pounds and lost all motivation for physical activity. After she was born it was a struggle to find time to anything for myself. When I did have a minute the guilt of leaving her was so overwhelming I rarely left her. As she got older is started to get a little easier to do the things I used to enjoy. If I couldn't do it by myself I could always take her with me. Well fast forward to today. The boys will be 8 weeks later this week. When I was pregnant I continued to be given the advice "It's so important to take time for yourself." Well, that's easier said than done. A lot has changed since the addition of Shrek and Donkey. I have gone from a family of 3 to a family of 5. I resigned from a job that I really enjoyed, mostly, to become a stay at home mom. Finding a moment for myself has been difficult to say the least. The guilt has remained with me, this time doubled. I feel guilty about everything. I always have....I call it my Catholic guilty, even though I'm not Catholic. I feel guilty about having twins. One baby is hard, twins is doubly so. Like newborns Shrek and Donkey cry, a lot. They are demanding and do not have the patience to wait a minute. I have told Mr. Hubs frequently I'm not sure where my days go. I look up and it's already time to start dinner and I don't feel like I have accomplished anything. I feel guilty leaving Shrek and Donkey with anyone. Not only is there the typical newborn issues, there is the issue of feeding them at the same time, comforting them and keeping your sanity if they both start crying at the same time. I feel guilty subjecting anyone, even Mr. Hubs, to this for any length of time. In addition to Shrek and Donkey I have Diva who anytime I go anywhere she wants to be with me. This makes alone time non-existent. So, I continue to have big plans. I'm turning 30 in a few weeks... *sigh* I told Mr. Hubs I would like to go shopping. This is something I have always loved to do. In my mind I would like to do this by myself, but in reality I know that 1.) I will feel way to guilty to leave Shrek and Donkey with Mr. Hubs and 2.) Diva will want to come with me. She will cry and throw a fit and I will feel bad and take her with me. I've also been planning to start exercising again. Because the aftermath of twins is not a good thing. I lost all the weight I gained and then some, but things are not as they should be. I used to really like exercising and used it as my stress reliever. These days I eat to relieve my stress. The logistics of when I will exercise are daunting to me. Shrek and Donkey take about 3 naps a day. Napping at the same time is hit and miss. One usually needs a lot more encouragement to nap than the other. As a result I am constantly patting bottoms, sticking pacifiers in mouths and running back and forth in between them. This goes on until it's time to feed them again. My mantra lately has been "this is only temporary. It will get easier!" It will, won't it? In the evenings Diva is home and demanding our undivided attention. It is a mad dash to get everyone bathed and in bed at decent bedtimes. Diva is a child who thrives on routine and needs a lot of sleep. We all suffer if she stays up late too often. By the time everyone is asleep and in bed Mr. Hubs and I are exhausted and need a few minutes to decompress ourselves. This is usually the first time we get to talk to each other! So, finding time? I'm still working on that. It's only temporary, it will get easier...at least that's what I am going to keep telling myself.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Thanksgiving Thursday

Thanksgiving Thursday is a time to be thankful for what you have in your life...even when you are having a really bad week, take a minute and reflect on the good. I have no ambition to do this every Thursday, but I will strive to take the time to pause and reflect and remember the good things in life that I am thankful for.
Today I am thankful....
for Mr. Hubs who gets up with me EVERY NIGHT to feed babies and change diapers...
for the deflated spare tire that was once my stomach because this body has given birth to 3 big healthy babies...even though I changed 6 times this morning cussing it the entire time...
for the option to be able to stay home with my kids and the option to go back to work if I choose...
for deciding not to take the pacifier away this week, it's a busy week and we are all much happier for that decision...
for really great family, friends and an awesome babysitter who enabled me and Mr. Hubs to go out and have a little fun this week...
for Shrek who gives me lots of gummy smiles and laughs....
for Donkey who is so laid back and doesn't get upset about much of anything and makes me laugh daily with his facial expressions...
for Diva who is so kind hearted and loving. She has brought Mr. Hubs and I so much love and joy and filled our hearts to the point they might explode. She always has hugs and kisses and says something that makes the day a little better...

I challenge you to take a minute to be thankful for something in your life.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Suck It

I'm writing this in a delirious state...last night, well early this morning, was rough. From about 3:30 on Shrek and Donkey took shifts screaming. Why? Because they kept losing their pacifiers/binkies/pacies whatever you call them. It's not an exaggeration for me to say I hate the things. Diva never used one, but as a result she sucks her middle and ring finger to go to sleep. We've tried everything short of putting something on her fingers to get her stop. It doesn't really bother me that she sucks on them. What will happen to her teeth and mouth is what bothers me more. We hadn't left the hospital with Shrek and Donkey before they had a pacifier. As a result we are in their room every 5 minutes at night and nap time putting the things back in their mouths until they fall asleep. Then when they wake up in the slightest they start fussing for it. This causes them to wake up pretty frequently during the night. I am nearing my breaking point with the things. I understand that babies have a need to suck, but these boys want to suck something 24/7! So, what do you do? Do I take it away cold turkey or wean them off of it gradually? I've read opinions on both options. Naturally everyone thinks that their way is the best. I've decided that I will start with nap time. Probably their morning nap since they seem more agreeable during that time. I'm going to do this knowing I will probably cave by the 2nd nap and give them their pacifiers back because I can't take the crying. I'm inconsistent to say the least. I'd like to say I was one of those tough moms that could handle the crying and tough it out. But, I'm not. It breaks my heart when they cry and get upset. To see them quiver their bottom lips and have tears pouring out really bothers me. I'm not sure I will win the pacifier war. I'm the same way about getting them to sleep. When Diva was a baby we "cried it out". We probably waited much longer to do it than most other people. Mr. Hubs had to do most of it because it broke my heart and I wanted to run in and pick her up. In reality she cried for maybe 2 hours and we were in there every 5 or 10 minutes patting her back. After that she slept 12-14 hours a night and has continued to be a rockstar sleeper to this day. The plan is to repeat the process with Shrek and Donkey. When Diva was a baby she always responded better to Mr. Hubs. He was able to calm her down better than I could. It seemed like she always got more worked up when I was around. Now with Shrek and Donkey it's the opposite. They seem to get more worked up when Mr. Hubs is around and become more calm with me. Great. That means it's going to be up to me to do the majority of the comforting when the time comes. Can I do it? I may have to drink a lot of wine that night! I've been experimenting with nap times when no one else is around to see what a weanie I am. Today is Day 1 of the experiment. I'll let you know how it goes. Shrek and Donkey have been laying down for a nap for 20 minutes without pacifiers while I type. Shrek has cried/screamed for 15 of that with me going in twice to pat his back for a few minutes. Now, in minute 23 it's very quiet in there. Hmmm....
Donkey hasn't made a peep. He's laying next to his brother staring at him though. I don't know that he has plans to go to sleep. It's strange. I would like to say that Donkey was more laid back or Shrek was and that I knew that was the one I would have an easier time with. Not so with these boys. As soon as I think I have it figured out they switch roles. Just like this morning. Donkey cried and fussed form 3:30 to around 6 and then went to sleep. Then Shrek started until I finally just got him up at 7:30 where he continued to fuss and cry for another 45 minutes. So, for the time being I will continue to play their games. It will probably be a few more weeks until Mr. Hubs and I are comfortable with going completely cold turkey and letting the boys "cry it out" for any length of time. Until that time I will remain in this delirious state of mind. For the most part I am amazed at how the human body can get used to so little sleep.

Monday, October 11, 2010

How Do You Explain Heaven?

I don't know why death is on my mind this week. Maybe because my brother in law was killed 2 years ago this week. Maybe because Diva has been asking a lot of questions about heaven and death. Maybe a combination. I don't know, but it is. Death is a natural part of life. A part I don't like, but a part none the less. Diva has been very curious about death and Heaven lately. How do you explain Heaven to a 3 year old? It started during a conversation about family. She is deeply interested in who my mom and dad are and who Daddy's mom and dad are. Well, that's where it's complicated. Papa J is not Daddy's Daddy. Papa Walt is Daddy's Daddy. "Where is he?" Well....here goes...Mr. Hubs and I had been married 3 months when his dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. By the time we found it the cancer had spread- everywhere. Mainly it had spread to his brain. We were hopeful and optimistic. We fought a good fight. His dad was a real trooper and humored us as we took him to appointments and treatments and tried all sorts of interventions. However, in the end the battle was lost. 9 months after the cancer was found Papa Walt died. The whole family had gathered and was by his side. It was a very traumatic event for me since I had never watched someone go through that. I was was very fond of my father in law and took his death hard. Mr. Hubs and I have tried to keep Papa Walt's memory alive. We didn't have children at the time of his death, but knew that we wanted our future kids to know who he was. Naively at the time we thought that was the worst thing that was going to happen to us. Well, fast forward 4 years to the "my brother in law was killed 2 years go this week" comment. Two years ago Mr. Hubs and I were content in our lives. Diva was 1 1/2 and a living doll. My mother in law had married Papa Jim and Mr. Hubs and his brother were getting along well and having a good relationship. I was at work talking on the phone to Mr. Hubs ironically when his best friend called to tell him his brother had been in a car accident and was killed. I'm pretty sure the world stopped turning. I know the air left the room. That was two years ago this week. At the time Diva wasn't old enough to understand. Now she is asking questions about her family. We have pictures up around the house of Papa Walt and WJ. We talk about them and share memories of them. Diva is very curious about where they are and why she can't see them. There are lots of questions. I've tried to explain that they are in Heaven and we can't see them. This is a lost point with her. The next comment is always "I want Papa Walt." I see the pain across Mr. Hubs face as he gets really quiet and tries to avoid the subject. I try to change the subject after about 5 attempts to explain. It's a common occurrence around here to take Diva and look at all the pictures of Papa Walt and WJ. She doesn't understand how Papa Walt is Daddy's Daddy, but she had a Papa Jim who is married to Nana Sue. I clearly haven't come up with any good explanations since we continue to have the same conversations every other day. I'm at a loss. Do I keep with the same explanations hoping she will understand? Do I change the subject immediately? I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want their memories to die, and I want Olivia to know about her Daddy's family. So, for the time being I guess I will continue to repeat the same conversations about Papa Walt and WJ and let her know that we love Papa Jim dearly and are very happy we have him.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Who Are You and Why Are You Touching My Baby?

People love babies. I know this. Working in Child Abuse for 10 years has taught me that people love babies. They are cute and snuggly and so loveable. Now, two babies, that is really something special. I've adjusted to the fact that I have twins. I have even adjusted to the fact that I have a 3 year old and twin babies. What I am still not used to is the staring. I'm a somewhat shy person. I don't like to draw attention to myself, I don't speak up in crowds and I have a hard time standing up for myself. Since I have had Shrek and Donkey I have noticed how unapologetically people stare at me and my family like we are circus freaks. Not only do people blatantly stare when we go out somewhere, but they ask questions too. My favorite questions is "Are they twins?" I promise one of these days I am going to reply "No, they are just brothers." or maybe "No, I just had my kids really close together." My most recent experience with the staring and questioning was at the State Fair. We took Diva to the fair recently so naturally we had to take Shrek and Donkey since we can't leave them home alone. I had mentioned to Mr. Hubs about the people staring. He thought I was being overly sensitive. However, on this trip we hadn't been there 5 minutes before he said "Wow, you're right, people really do stare." Some people would even turn around after we had passed to get another look-- no lie! We made our way through the fair with our brood in tow consisting of a giant double stroller and a small umbrella stroller for Diva. We did the petting zoo, attempted to ride ponies (that didn't happen and she decided she just wanted to look at them), did "jupery jumps" (Diva speak for Jupiter Jumps) and all the other fun fair stuff. We realized over the coarse of our hour long attempt at lunch that it takes a little longer to get everyone fed and happy these days. Towards the end of the day Diva was still going strong and Mommy and Daddy were very tired. We made our way to another building where they had exhibits and photography winners. Mr. Hubs is a wonderful photographer and wanted to see what other people were doing. When we get there Shrek and Donkey needed diaper changes so we start that process. Naturally Diva had to "go potty" again so her and Daddy did that while I changed diapers. It was time to feed the babies again so we found a bench and got ready to feed them. I decided since everyone else had potty breaks I probably should. I left Mr. Hubs with the kids. When I made my return there was a woman leaning over the stroller where Shrek and Donkey had spent their day. Diva was bouncing around and Mr. Hubs was sitting on the bench holding one baby. As I got closer she had her hands in the stroller trying to put a pacifier in Shrek's mouth. In my mind I kept saying "Maybe Mr. Hubs knows her? I really hope he knows her." When I sat down it became very evident that Mr. Hubs had no idea who this woman touching my baby was. She was friendly enough and chatting away. I quickly grabbed Shrek away from her and started feeding him his bottle. About this same time the woman's husband approached us and asked her what she was doing..."I'm just helping him, he had his hands full." I gave Mr. Hubs a look to say "What the H happened while I was gone?!" The woman's husband whisked her away after that and I asked Mr. Hubs "Who was the woman touching my baby?" He still had the look of shock on his face and said "No idea, she just came over here and started messing with him. I told her you would be right back." Great, we've progressed from staring to utter strangers touching my kids. So, there we sat, feeling molested and fed our babies while Diva danced and pranced around without a care in the world. Naturally as we sat on our little bench surrounded by strollers and kids people walked by and stared like we were a fair exhibit. I'm still in shock that a stranger would come up and touch another person's child. I don't know if I will get used to the staring and the dumb questions. It makes me terribly uncomfortable. But I know that I cannot stay in a cave until the kids are grown. I want to get out and enjoy life, stares or not. I just hope the touching is kept to a minimum.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Let Them Eat Dirt and Beetle Larvae on a Rigid Schedule!

So...Shrek and Donkey, (or Fatty and the Old Man as I affectionately call them) are a month old now. It has gone by fast. I'm still exhausted. Diva seems to be settling into her new roll as Big Sister. In fact she went all day yesterday without peeing in her pants. What a relief--but that will be another post! When I had the babies I had the best intentions of breastfeeding. I breastfed Diva for 4 months until she decided she wanted a bottle and I couldn't pump enough to keep up. I was hoping to breastfeed the twins for 6 weeks at least. I didn't have high ambitions, but I thought they were realistic. Well, reality sunk in quickly. Two weeks in I decided to stop breastfeeding and dry up. I felt a little defeated. But, I felt my mental health was as important as their nutrition. Mommy was going to loose her mind! All I was doing was nursing babies. In addition to the round the clock nursing the little vacuum cleaners were leaving me sore and in tears every time. So, babies went to formula and Mommy dried up--Ow! The very same week I stopped nursing and put the babies on Similac formula there was a major recall on Similac. Terrific! The reason--beetle larvae in the formula that can cause digestive problems. All this came about after I spent a small fortune on two cases of formula from an online store. So, I had noticed that Shrek and Donkey had been fussy, gassy and all around unhappy. We were using Mylicon and Gripe Water like it was going out of style. After the recall Mr. Hubs and I decided that maybe the boys were having an adverse affect to the beetle larvae. We are not clean freaks, germaphobes or anything of the sort. We have always lived by the "Let them eat dirt" philosophy. Diva seems to be doing well, and we turned out okay. You can't live in a totally sterile environment, that would reek havoc on the immune system! So, back to point....we switch formula to another major brand. We hate it. The boys spit up (a lot!) every time they eat it. So, we finished that container. With twins formula goes amazingly fast! We had a sample container of Similac that was not recalled. The boys seem to really like it. When the sample is gone we will be starting another brand. Guess we will see how that goes. Naturally, me being me I am going to agonize over it. I had to go online and research formula and read reviews from people who had used it previously. Mr. Hubs just rolls his eyes at me and slides in the occasional joke at my expense.
All this being said I will admit I am a bit of a control freak--I know, shocking! I like things scheduled and planned out and I don't like my plans and schedules to change. Somehow my family and friends love me despite this major flaw. Shrek and Donkey have been the poor victims of my control. The formula thing has really thrown me for a loop, but not as much as the boys feeding schedule. I'm a reader. I like to read books about babies and what I should be doing and I like to read on the internet what other people are doing. I did it with Diva and Shrek and Donkey are my latest victims. I have read books about how babies should be on a schedule and you should feed them every 3 hours regardless. So, that's what I've been doing. Every 3 hours whether they were sleeping or not those boys were going to eat. However, I had noticed over the course of this schedule that the boys were not eating very well. Sometimes it would take me an hour to get them to eat an ounce. Then other times they were so fussy and acting like they were starved 1 1/2 hours later. I've been a little stressed and worried since we have had a hard time getting Donkey to gain weight. Yesterday I had an epiphany of sorts. It came about accidentally. I went to lunch with Mr. Hubs. The boys ended up going 4 hours between feedings and were not upset other than the last 5 minutes when they realized they were hungry. Both boys finished finished their bottles and were happy! I told Mr. Hubs that maybe I should start letting the babies tell me when they were hungry instead of trying to force feed them. What a concept! Mr. Hubs is convinced I have lost my mind. So, I am going to try to let go of a little bit of control and let the babies decide when they want to eat. This is going to be hard for me. I'll let you know how it goes.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Popping My Cherry

Well, here goes...my first blog. I haven't ever done this before. Mr. Hubs has been keeping a blog for a long time. I've been hesitant b/c I still have no idea what I'm going to blog about. My life has taken a lot of different turns this past year. All the turns have led me here today, sitting on my couch writing a blog. I've been married for a little over 7 years. We have a 3 year old daughter who is a fireball of energy. Some days I'm not sure how I can possibly keep up with her. I had twin boys 3 weeks ago, so I'm a little sleep deprived. When we had our little Diva 3 years ago we knew we would have more kids. The running joke between us was Mr. Hubs wanted 2 and I wanted 3 kids. Saying that, 2 was going to be fine with me. I just liked to push his buttons. So, when Diva was 2 we decided it was time to have another one since we didn't want a huge age gap. Well, after months of trying, not having have regular cycles and tons of stress my doctor said that I had PCOS. As a result we decided to use medical intervention to start my cycle again. Almost immediately I was pregnant. We were so excited. Then our first appointment the doctor says "Oh, it's twins." You could of mopped the floor with me! It was a tough pregnancy physically for me in the respect that I had no energy, everything hurt and took extra energy and my belly was HUGE! The babies weighed 6.4 and 7.8 pounds. They were not small. During the coarse of my pregnancy Mr. Hubs and I decided that it would be best for the family if I stayed at home with the babies and not put them in daycare. EEEK! While the prospect is exciting, it's also daunting at the same time. Do I really have what it takes to be a stay at home Mommy? Do I know what I am doing? Needless to say I am still trying to find my footing. Life has certainly taken some turns I had never expected, but I am looking forward to seeing where this road takes me.