Monday, January 23, 2012

She Gave Me the Stink Eye

So…I know there are other's out there in the same boat as me. I have almost 17 month old twins and a two weeks shy of being 5 year old. The Diva is very independent. The Dudes would like to be. They walk. Not together or in the direction I want them to walk. They do not hold hands. They weight 24 and 26 pounds and are very wiggly when you hold them. Shrek has never met a stranger. I rely on my stroller for EVERYTHING! However, my stroller doesn't always fit the places I would like it to. That really stinks. In addition to that it takes me a good 10 minutes to load everyone in the car and another 10 minutes to unload everyone from the car. It's quiet the process.

As a result of my reliance on my stroller and the lengthy process it takes to load and unload everyone I have taken a few "shortcuts." I had some Mommy Guilt initially because these shortcuts involved Diva. I felt like I was being a bad Mommy and a little careless. You see….Diva has dance one day a week. It's a narrow doorway and a crowded corridor. We don't fit there very well. So I have started pulling up as close as I can to the front door and letting her walk in by herself. I sit and watch her go in. I know once she is in the doors her dance teacher helps her put her shoes on and she knows where to sit and what to do with her bag. I still feel bad for sending my baby in by herself. She looks so little opening that big door alone.

Today was no different. I pulled into the closest available space. Kissed and hugged her good bye and watched her walk in the building. There was a woman sitting in the car next to me. She watched Diva walk into the building then she looked over at me and gave me the dirties most hateful look ever. She gave me the stink eye. For a minute I thought she was going to yell at me. It just added to my guilt. Then I thought….Wait a second honey. If you wanted to help me schlep 2 wiggly boys in there and then back out so that I can walk her inside that would be great. However, I doubt that you do and I have no other options.

In addition to letting her go into dance by herself I have also been dropping her off in front of the Pre-K door at school on Fridays and letting her go inside by herself there to. In good weather we walk to school and I can at least walk up to the gym door~because I don't fit through that door either. But, it's gotten cold and the Dudes have been sick. So I do the K&R line at school and watch my baby girl walk inside by herself. Again. She looks so small. I feel bad. In the afternoons I pull up in front of the same door and her teachers are kind enough to walk her out to me. I would LOVE to be able to walk her in and out of school like the other parents. But, it is what it is and I don't have that option right now. One of these days the Dudes will be bigger and we will be able to do stuff like that. Just not right now.

I would like to say that while I have enormous guilt for letting my little girl do all this by herself, Diva has enormous pride in doing this stuff. She thinks she is a pretty big deal and so independent. She has no qualms about walking in to dance or school by herself. That I am very thankful for.

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