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That's Gonna Hurt

HEY Y'ALL!!!! It's me again!! has a way of zipping by, doesn't it? Life has been going by at warp speed around here. I'm still working. I only regret it twice a week :( I would by lying if I said I didn't miss being at home. I miss the day to day stuff, and I hate paying a babysitter. It breaks my heart when one of the kids tell me they miss me, or they wish I didn't work. However, the extra income is nice. Seeing Mr. Mayer not as stressed about finances is nice, and I feel like I am contributing.
My main reason for getting a job remains. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder. Considering my genetic makeup if that's all that I have, I'm okay with it. I was medicated for a long time. I stopped taking my medications two years ago and have been able to keep a handle on myself for a long time. However, I had a bad month in December. Besides the normal Christmas stress, my wheels were stolen, which added another financial stress, then we moved my mother into a nursing home, and then everyone got the flu for what felt like months. I spiraled back down that rabbit hole. I was either crying or angry all the time and I didn't like how I was feeling. I was considering calling my doctor and getting my medications refilled. Instead I decided I needed out of my house and I needed to feel useful. So far working has helped.
Another thing that helps me is working out. It's definitely a natural medication for me. Getting up at 4:30AM sucks. I don't like mornings in general, but 4:30AM seems wrong. We are too busy and I am too lazy to work out in the afternoons or evenings. If I don't do it first thing in the morning it's not going to happen for me. I know myself well enough to admit that. Now, in general if someone asks me why I work out my first answer is "I'm fat and want to fit back into my pants." It's more complicated than that. I like myself better when I exercise. I feel better in general and feel like it helps me regulate my mood better. I notice a huge difference in myself when I am not exercising regularly and when I am. The boot camp I had been going to for a while closed last month and I hadn't done anything since then. I noticed last week that I didn't feel good about myself and my mood was definitely down.
I had not decided what fitness place or program I wanted to do since my boot camp closed. After searching around I discovered lots of places offer free classes, weeks, months, etc. I can finish out the summer just doing trial classes around town and then decide where I want to commit. I started my "fitness tour" at Pure Barre in South Tulsa this week. I posted on Monday that it was the hardest thing I had done in a while. I can see how if it is something I stick with I could be as ripped as all the other ladies in the class. Which strength and muscle definition is one of my goals. My abs were screaming at me yesterday. I went back for more this morning....
Monday's class was "Classic Barre" and it was tough. Today's class was "Empower Barre." What is that you ask? Hard. It's hard. I walked in this morning and there were weights and benches set out. This was totally different from Monday's class. I walked in and a lady I recognized from Monday's class smiled and said "You came back! You're going to love today!" Uh oh. The instructor began by having us wrap the weights around our wrists. We began kicking, lifting, and other weird movements. I quickly began sweating like a stuck dripping off my chin. I could feel the weights wrapped around my wrists get slippery from sweat. I'm breathing heavy, my muscles are cramping. I'm pretty sure I'm about to stroke out. I look around the room thinking everyone is feeling this way. Nope. Apparently no one else sweats. Or, I'm going about this wrong. Should it be this hard? I started the class in the back, in a corner. Just where I like to be. Then halfway through the instructor has me switch with another lady to the back, in the middle "so I can see better." Yikes. Trust me. No one wants to see this. The class continues and we eventually wrap the weights around our ankles. It's not any better on my ankles. Then the instructor moves me to the front of the room, right in the middle. Oh no!! This is not good! Now everyone can see me! We then have to start lifting our legs, with the weights attached, and one foot propped up on the bench. I'm not what you would call a very "coordinated" person. You can imagine how this went. So here I am, flopping around and trying to keep up-in the front of the room. Still the only one dripping sweat. We continue this pattern for 45 minutes until class ends. After class the instructor looks at me and says "You did great!" Who? Me? Were you watching me?
It was harder than Monday's class. I am confident I am going to feel it tomorrow. I plan on going back for more on Friday. I'm feeling better about myself, and if I manage to lose weight doing this that will be an added bonus.


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