Sunday, June 26, 2011

My Happy Place Was A Happy Disaster

Those  who know me know that I LOVE Whole Foods. It's my happy place. Weird, I know, but it is what it is. I don't get to go very often since it's on the other side of town from where I live and it isn't really set up to navigate a double stroller around. If you are friends with me on Facebook and/or Twitter you probably saw this post the other night~
"My happy place was a happy disaster."
Here's why:
We all have those days where if it can go wrong it will. If it can be dropped, spilled or knocked over it will. That was Thursday for me. It was an all around frustrating day. I had a few things on my grocery list and decided that I would go to Whole Foods after Mr. Mayer got home and I put the little dudes to bed. Off to the store I go...I'm pretty excited about getting to go. I arrive and park. Saunter up to the door and grab a cart. As I'm trying to put my shopping bags on the bottom (yes, I'm that person that carries a huge bundle of reusable shopping bags wherever I go) the cart is on an incline and tips over on its side on my foot. Ow! I manage to sit the cart back up, silently praying that no one is watching me. I turn and start to go through the automatic door. CRASH! The automatic door is not automatically opening. Crap. Maybe no one noticed that either. I turn around and back into the door and open it myself. Then my cart gets tangled on the door jam and my silent entry now becomes something similar to Kramer's entry on Seinfeld. I make it into the store finally and make my way to the produce section.
Mr. Mayer and I have a running joke between us that we are always in someones way where ever we go. Well, truer words have never been spoken. I was in someones way every direction I turned in that place. Arg! This is not going well. I finally gather the things on my list and the things that weren't on the list but I'm sure I need and make my way to the front.
Okay, I'm in the check out line. It should be easy street from here on out.
So...before I go any further let me preface this next part by saying I was a cashier for a lot of years. I know how to do it and I know how to do it well. I still remember the produce numbers even!
In addition to mine and Mr. Mayer's running joke of being in people's way we also joke about our knack for picking out really terrible cashiers. We get the cashiers that inspect everything we are buying, make comments about what we are buying, that can't bag, that are hateful, slow, etc. etc.
Tonight, again, was no exception. At this point I don't know why I am surprised.
I start putting my stuff on the belt. I grab my little carton of blueberries and immediately drop them. They go everywhere! I'm glad there was no one else in line behind me. I start picking blueberries up off the floor so I won't squish them with my cart. I pick up enough that I can make a path through. Apologize to the cashier. She has rung up a few of my items already when she sees the mess I have made. She never says a word to me. She stops checking. Leaves the cash register and walks to the back of the store. I know this because I can see her. She's gone for several minutes while I'm just standing there. Half my groceries have been rung up I can't leave. After what feels like an eternity she comes back with a broom and a dust pan and starts sweeping the aisle. She then gets a wet towel and starts wiping the floor around me. I'm just standing there. This has been a 10 minute ordeal to this point. She gets things cleaned to her satisfaction. Still never said a word to me. She then leaves again to the back of the store and comes back several minutes later empty handed. She takes the carton of blueberries and puts a rubber band around them and asks me if I want to get some more. No...No I do not want more blueberries. I want to go home. She then asks me 3 more times if I'm sure I don't want any more blueberries. Yes! I am sure I do not want anymore. I want to go home! She then starts scanning the rest of my items. At the end of the belt is a bag of mixed nuts I was buying so I could make some rosemary nuts for the 4th of July at my mother in laws. The bag was ripped, unknown to me. Cashier sees this and says "You're bag is ripped. DO NOT TOUCH IT!" Yup, she starts yelling this at me. She repeats herself several times. I get the point. I'm standing by the bag. Nuts have spilled onto the the belt and I reach over to start picking up the nuts that have trailed out onto the belt. "DO NOT TOUCH IT!" Jeez lady! I get it, but can I get what spilled out. She then takes another bag and puts over the ripped bag and rings it up. I'm to afraid to reach over and pick up what has spilled. While that was happening a woman gets in line. She sits down two containers of strawberries and two containers of raspberries on the end of the belt. I watch her do this. She then walks off to get another item. Cashier notices the items at the end of the belt and says "Do you want those on a separate ticket?" Um...no, it's not my stuff. I tell her as much and she walks out of her register around to my side and picks the items up and places them next to her register. I finish paying. Very happy to be escaping. The woman comes back and starts looking for her stuff. I tell her that the cashier has them by her register. I feel like I should give her some sort of warning, but I get distracted by cashier lady again. She asks me if I want bag credit or to make a donation. I tell her I want to make a donation. She then proceeds to tell me all about the organization the donation goes to. I want to interrupt her and tell her I'm familiar with the organization, but I'm to afraid to. Instead I let her tell me in depth about where my donation is going. I then take my receipt and run (well, walk quickly) out of the store. I had never been so happy to leave that place in my life.

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