Saturday, June 25, 2011

Well...At Least The Food Was Good?

Okay...the "fam" went out to dinner tonight. Usually this consists of a million trips to the potty, feeling apologetic for the mess in the floor Shrek and Donkey make, and threatening Diva with no snacks to get her to eat her dinner. Not tonight.
We had been cooped up in the house all day today, it was really hot and I was going a little stir crazy. I wanted to go look for some cycle shoes (I guess that's what they are called) and get some dinner. Off we go...high ho, high ho, high ho.
There is a new Chicago Style pizza place not far from us that I had read in a blog I follow was really good. I wanted to try it. Pizza is something I can almost always guarantee Diva will eat. Shrek and Donkey were in ridiculously good moods today and I had showered. Pluses on all sides.
We arrive at the joint and burst through the doors. We are immediately greeted by two hostesses who look at us and ask "Party of 5? Do you need high chairs?" Uh....two of the 5 can barely sit up on their own. Yup, need some high chairs. Hostess 1 walks over in her itty bitty I'm afraid I might see her vagina shorts to a 4 top table. She pulls one chair away and puts two highchairs in it's place. This table is about 2x2. Mr. Mayer and I just look at each other. Surely it won't be as bad and uncomfortable as it looks. Right? Hostess 2 walks us over to the bar stool, er, um, table in equally short I hope she doesn't bend over shorts (I mean really people, cover your ass). We unpack and situate the brood. I start giving Shrek and Donkey some puffs to avoid the nuclear meltdown that occurs when they are sitting down. We sit there for a few minutes and a waitress saunters over to us and takes our drink orders. Okay, so far so good. Besides the bar stool we have for a table, it's okay. It's a pretty busy restaurant. That bodes well. Shrek and Donkey are happily eating their snacks. The waitress brings us our drink orders and takes our dinner order. This is going pretty well.
Our table is at the front of the restaurant. Not that it's a very large restaurant anyway. We are maybe 5 steps away from the hostess stand. They are standing there looking at our table and the floor around us and talking to each other. Yeah...they are babies, they don't always hit their mouth. Sorry, but it's either have them scream bloody murder or you might have to sweep the floor when we leave. Your choice.
Diva is VERY excited to be out at a restaurant. Because, lets face it, unless it's drive through we don't all go out together very much. We are teasing Mr. Mayer because he doesn't like the sticky hands that Shrek and Donkey have or the mess they make when they eat. Diva keeps getting up to tell me "secrets." Why she's getting up I don't know. She's practically sitting in my lap. I tell her a few times to sit down and stay in her seat. I had ordered a Dr. Pepper. It was a very large Dr. Pepper. I had only had one drink when Diva stands up to tell me another secret and....yup, knocks the entire glass my lap! Fan freakin' tastic. I'm wearing white shorts. Even better. Mr. Mayer initially looks shocked. I don't know what else to do but laugh. Diva looks terror stricken and then relaxes. It is cold, sticky and everywhere. On me, the floor, Shrek is splashing in it. Hostess 1 and 2 are standing there staring at us- then they walk off. Two waitresses walk past us and don't stop. We don't even have a napkin at our table. Another waitress walks by and says she will go get us a towel. Mr. Mayer then says "Yeah, the one who is getting a towel is over there cleaning a table." WTF?! I dig some baby wipes out of the diaper bag and start sweeping some of the puddle away from Shrek and mopping myself up. The two hostesses are back at their post looking at us. Our waitress walks by and says she will get a mop. Then someone shows up with a towel. I reach out to take it because I thought she had brought that over so I could mop myself off. But, no, she starts cleaning the floor with it. Wow, thanks, I'll just use these baby wipes. Our waitress mops the floor under Diva's chair. Not sure why since the lake was on me and under my chair. Hostess 1 and 2 are still looking at us. Finally Mr. Mayer and I get the table cleaned up and I wipe off my chair and my legs and arms with the baby wipes.
Our bread sticks arrive. Dang- they are really good. Diva has to go potty. Not because she really has to go, but because she's obsessed with public restrooms. When Diva and I come back Mr. Mayer tells me that the hostesses with the mostesses were standing at their stand looking at the table, pointing to the floor under Shrek and Donkey and talking about it. Meanwhile there is still a lake under my seat and it splashes when I put my feet down. Yeah, there's a mess and yeah, you're going to clean it up. I give Shrek and Donkey some more puffs.

Our pizza arrives. It is lava hot. Our waitress brings us some napkins. The pizza is so hot that we can barely pick it up. I try to get the stellar hostesses attention, but they look the other way. Our waitress walks by and I ask her for some forks so that we can cut Diva's piece so it will cool down a little quicker.
Finally, we eat our pizza. Dang- it's really good too.
We finish eating. Diva isn't interested in her dinner. Weird. She's been in a weird mood all day. I continue to feed Shrek and Donkey more puffs than they really need or want just so they will drop them on the floor. I'm passive aggressive like that. My feet splash in the liquid below. Our waitress brings us our ticket and Mr. Mayer quickly pays. He's very anxious to get out of there. We quickly leave the restaurant. Diva asks me why my shorts are so messy. Hmmm...gee, I don't know.


  1. LOL What a trip. I hate getting crap service. I get it a lot because I take the kids out by myself which instead of inspiring people to be HELPFUL actually makes people treat me like a second class citizen. And those hostesses are the ones you wish quints on. See how clean they keep the floor then.

  2. LOL at Nesser! Where did you go for dinner? So we'll know to NOT go there with kids! It's always good to know what places are NOT kid-friendly

  3. We went tobGusamo's at 101st and Mingo. I doubt it's going to be a repeat experience.