Monday, February 13, 2012

Boobies R Us

Yup. That's right. I'm in big trouble with this girl child of mine. A few months back Diva announced to her Daddy and I that "all the boys like it when I shake my arm pits." Whuck?! She says this as she's demonstrating a shoulder shimmy. I quickly explained to her that at her age the boys should not like anything about her and that she should not concern herself with what the boys like.
Oh-em-gee. I knew having a girl I would probably have to deal with some boy (or girl) craziness at some point. I just wasn't prepared for it to hit in Pre-K. Yikes! Diva jumped on the Justin Bieber band wagon a few months ago and declared him her boyfriend. She's convinced that last year when she was a flower girl in a wedding that her and the ring bearer were actually married. Poor Hampton. He doesn't have a clue he's married.  She's already making big plans for when they are grown up. Apparently they are going to live in their own house. Not with me. They are going to have 3 kids and she is not going to work. Poor Hampton. And, any boy we see (no matter the age!) she says loudly "Mom! He's cute!" Grrr….not what I want my 5 year old to tell me.
In addition to the boy crazies we have had the "pregnik" issues. When I was pregnant Diva started putting balls under her shirt pretending she was pregnant. Then she progressed to breast feeding her "babies" after I had the boys. Then I got her to stop and she got a teacher at daycare that was pregnant and we started all over again. Again, it stopped after a while. Then Pre-K started and her teacher was pregnant. We started again. It stopped while her teacher was on maternity leave. Then maternity leave ended and last week Diva started breastfeeding her babies and putting balls under her shirt again. I try to ignore it. I occasionally tell her to take the balls out and stop. Honestly I'm at a loss as to how to handle this.
Then last night happened.
Mr. Mayer was gone. I'm not real sure what I was doing. Cleaning up after dinner or something. Diva was playing with her brother's. She leads them into the kitchen and says "Look Mom. We are all pregnik." I look over and not only did Diva have a ball under her shirt, but Shrek and Donkey had balls under their shirts as well. All three of those goofy kids were standing there grinning at me. I just shake my head and go about my business. Then Diva walks back into the kitchen and says "Don't I look sexy?" WHUCK?! I'm fairly positive I have never used that word. Granted my music choices probably contributed (thank you LMFAO), but I was bothered by my 5 year old asking if she looked sexy. Not to mention she had stuck two small balls under her shirt at her chest. In addition to still having the big ball under her shirt for a belly. Ack! After I recovered from the shock I decided to address the word sexy first.
Me:"You can't say words you don't know what they mean."
Diva: "Sexy means pretty."
Dang. How does she know that?! I'm flustered. Me: "Well. I don't like that word and it's not a good word for you to use."
Moving on. Diva has started to 'shake her armpits' now. I ask her to stop doing that and ask her what those balls in her shirt are.
Diva: "I'm pregnik. These are my boobies. They aren't very big. I went to Boobies R Us and got them."
At this point I'm at an utter loss. I don't even know what I said at this point.  Whatever it was got her out of the kitchen and the subject was changed.
Being the really top notch mom that I am. I did manage to get a picture~I had to text Mr. Mayer and share the events that were occurring while he was gone.
Really weirds me out to see her like this.
Mr. Mayer just wanted to know if Boobies R Us was a real place. I'm trying really hard not to overreact and make a big deal out of it. I'm going to be glad when this phase ends.

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